Lady Gaga: her boring and cliche attempt at "shock value"

Firstly, I do not claim to be a religious person, I do not attend church, I am hedonistic, argumentative and opinionated person , I in other words, are not holier than thou. I nor ascertain that a particular faith is the correct one. I do however respect people's beliefs. Like you would think twice about dressing up as somebody's dead mother and parading around, perhaps you should not blaspeheme religious icons as it goes very deep with some people. Lady Gaga is currently suffering from quite a stinking, piggish ignorance like this.

Lady Gaga. The name alone is like itching powder to my psychosis. She had a few hits. DJs across the land with a dark sense of humour play her songs to get tipsy, sensible people up for "that one dance" and feel graceful, sexy and edgy...which is a shame nobody told their bodies that. I have yet to see someone look "cool" whilst wiggling to Lady Gaga.

The name Lady Gaga implies, rightly so, that her music by itself cannot be taken very seriously. Her vocal range, good as it could be, is drowned out by over-synthesising, repetitive chants and distracting full-o-tit n' crotch videos. A bit like, oh lets say, a 50 year old pathetic, gyrating grandmother who will probably overdose on botox soon and have a cheek explode. Yes, Madonna I am talking about you.

(I have always said that the Emperor is not wearing any clothes when it comes to Madonna, I will write an article on the overrated bint later.)

Lady Gaga grabs her crotch and shakes that ass in every video. Which, is, in my opinion not in the least bit offensive...actually it's rather pitiful that she has to do that like EVERY other music artist out there not quite confident in their vocal abilities. In some videos her thong is so far up her ass one starts to wonder whether it feels like garrotting wire.

(Left) is this an artist who is so confident in her singing voice that she doesn't have to shake ass like a common table dancer?

But maybe Gaga realised that her tits and backside simply weren't cutting it in the shocking stakes.

In a pitiful attempt at controversy, she mentally appealled to one of anyone this calibur of shallowness considers an idol: Madonna.

Boobs hanging out, cross upon said boobs hanging out - oh and er, ANOTHER cross burning in the background.

Very feminist. My word Madonna, you gosh darned genious you may have solved the world's injustice due to the christians with a simple blasphemous video! The arguments previously about the crusades are now all void.

I mean it didn't NEED to have a clear point it was so darned revolutionary! As for banging a black Jesus on an altar....the point was so darned good nobody can make sense of it as we are all meer mortals under you!

How much money do you make for your mansions a year again through such cheap, lazy, uncreative entertainment? Oh and er, why not do a video of you boning a Muslim prophet, oh let's say MUHAMMED if you really had balls, and didn't simply pick on the Christian faith out of security that they won't send you anthrax in the post you dumb bitch....

I'm not a religious person, as previously stated, I'm sure a lot of those reading this may have misunderstood this. I am a hedonistic youth, devoted to, well, youth and believe a lot of religions and government have ruined the Utopian existence we are all intitled to by birthright. I do however, dislike those who blaspheme others religions for cheap entertainment and lack of creatitivty in the bid to be shocking. Particularly if their songs are as fucking crap as "Alejandro"

Not content with flashing her body in every single video (as frankly, their are tits and ass everywhere, Gaga is simply not an individual in this respect) she moved onto flirting with an embarrassingly straight Beyonce, who could barely give her a pervy stare in "Telephone" complete with shameless adverts in order to finance her millions on ass-splitting thongs and cocaine (that's not slander, she bragged about it to a magazine, use google):

Plentyoffish.com....a guard appears to be looking at this in the "Telephone" video. Comedic or desperate for sponsors?

Or how about prison sex? Very edgy Gaga. Until you cheesily brought in this advert for Virgin media as the big sexy butch lesbian snagged at your crotch! Is she trying to find your USB port because that is about as unsexy as this image is.

And if you thought that wasn't blatant enough...

Gaga with diet Coke cans in her hair...well it's not the worst kind of coke she's done I guess.

As "Telephone" wasn't hailed as controversial, rather amusing, due to it's shameless and daft amount of sponsors and unconvincing lesbianism...Gaga decides to blaspheme the easiest of religious targets: the Catholic Church. It has been done before by Madonna which barely got an eye-roll from the Pope. With their priests and nuns uniforms and recognised symbols, Gaga indeed seems to have taken the easy option in her begging to recognised as a controversial singer.

Wow. Lady Gaga as a blasphemous nun. I am so upset I could kill a puppy.

Or how about her having a cross across that frequently exposed beaver? Thank God this video is purely political and there is noooooo attmept at sex appeal!

Otherwise the vast majority of viewers being turned off immensely by this desperate plea for attention may just send Gaga into a strop at not being taken seriously as not only an artist, but as fuckable. Gaga: you are neither.

Neither are you controversial. Attacking a quiet, harmless, worshipping group like the Catholic Church is uncreative, lazy and cowardly as they aren't going to shove a dirty bomb up your frequently exposed arse like al qaeda would.

In conclusion, I am not offended by Lady Gaga's blasphemy in her crappy new single "Alejandro" but more irritated at her lazy, uncreative attempt at being controversial. She is not controversial, revolutionary, edgy....any of these things she so desperately clings on to be. It's a bit like a schoolgirl wearing black tights instead of blue and the teachers notice, but the offense is so fucking minor that they don't pull her up on it. The Catholics aren't offended by this, they simply sigh and say "What a silly little girl..."

Lady Gaga's new video is simply....boring.

It has been done before. Decades before.

The only thing mildly interesting about this video is Gaga's psychological desperation to be "offensive" for those interested in child psychology. Turns out she was brought up Catholic - well someone has Mummy & Daddy issues! Having said that, Gaga, please do not bore us with whatever desire to be controversial you obviously suffer from.

Just stick to making the low-quality music that we all would only ever just dance to whilst very, very drunk - and feel embarrassed about dancing to such cheese the following morning. Adieu.

WHO would have a child?!

Suffering heavily from tocophobia (the intense and irrational fear of becoming pregnant) may have something to do with becoming up the spout on the last of my to do list (after catching AIDS and losing my left arm in a car accident - THAT is how much I despise the idea of pregnancy! Hopefully all three of these monstrosities will not afflict me!)

But apparently this rare affliction of common sense I cannot shake is shared by a slightly hostile looking woman:
Corinne Maier almost made me cry with joy when I read her book. I come from a large family of breeders and have been, for years, the "selfish" and "immature" one due to my love of experiencing anything fun rather than maternal in life and utter, utter contempt for the idea of settling down and having children. I am one of the youngest, and one of the only cousins not to have children and get married, I have seen my once intelligent, beautiful cousins morph into unhealthy, bitter, sleep-deprived women

At gatherings, aunties throw the cutest of my cousins sprogs at me smiling like an estate agent desperate to sell a house. I still do not see the appeal, they can probably tell that by my face because I last got accused of being "openly gay" by one aunt due to my total lack of maternal instincts. I am the selfish, immature and - oh now I'm openly gay simply for standing up for my right to remain childless:

I don't want to carry another human being around in my belly whose only escape is by tearing across my most sensitive body part; I don't want to wade through feces and sick because the damn kid won't stop secreting every vile liquid known to mankind; I don't want to shove prams up and down the street while doing shopping for the little savage getting glared at by all the other sleep-deprived mothers itching for a row; I don't want to lose all freedom and choice within life because I'll have a constant parasite stuck to my nipple because motherhood turns you into a human cow!

Corinne Maier discusses most of the reasons why having a child is a terrible idea, some more than others. I have a few other additions, much respect to the author.

I like to look at the world as a scary place, somewhere irrational, mad, continuously proving my point that the truth is stranger than fiction. I love to nose-dive into said world and scare the living Hell out of myself with each experience: how would I do that while worrying about some snivelling brat with a boo-boo - suddenly the dangers of the world are not fun anymore, suddenly they are dangerous to little junior!

Pregnancy, like anything else, is big business. Pregnant celebrities, while probably groaning on the inside (after all, they are being beaten up from the inside!) get paid to flaunt their baby bumps with great big it's-great-to-be-preggers grin. Is it really a coincidence that in the same magazine article they rave on and on about their faveourite stretch-mark cream and tea to soothe the cramps and pains?

Of course, what monster would not ENJOY being pregnant? To keep the baby craze going these celebrity women have to make pregnancy look like a walk in the park. Some....aren't so convincing:
























Well this looks like a barrel of laughs doesn't it?!

Both Christina Aguilera and Myleene Klass (whoever that is) appear as though they are about to cry. Or heave. Or both.

What is worse is the epidemic of wishing to be MILFS (thanks again American Pie) uploading embarrassingly wannabe-esque photos of their bloated pregnant bodies onto facebook or whatever social networking site they use to remind us what a pregnant women looks like. They seem to forget two things: one, the celebrities they sheepishly adore have the luxery of air-brushing for their seething stretch marks and perhaps sedatives (oh yeah, pregnancy induces psychotic behaviour!) secondly....well, look at these photos, they speak for themselves:

Errr....classy! A far cry from Demi Moore, no? Yes, we all know what an up-the-spout woman looks like, thank you very much. Oh it gets worse.


This one got banned from facebook, viewer discretion and finnishing that sandwich are advised:




Seriously....WHY would somebody do this to themself?! No wonder it puts a dampener on your sex life who would want a roll in the hay with that?! (Call me an addict all you want, but this is reason enough to say "a thousand times NO!" to the prospect of having a child)

While I have covered some more personal points as to why I would never have kids, read this article: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-476669/Angels-savages--children.html it is the most enlightening article in regards to remaining childless.

Having said that, I'll stick to short and sweet: Dare to be different: say no to having children!

First One!

I don't like introductions much, cant wait to get to the ranting that probably only makes an ounce of sense in my head - which, by the way is a rather warped view of the world, which scarily enough may make perfect sense if you read it enough....on with the blogging!

Louise.