WHO would have a child?!

Suffering heavily from tocophobia (the intense and irrational fear of becoming pregnant) may have something to do with becoming up the spout on the last of my to do list (after catching AIDS and losing my left arm in a car accident - THAT is how much I despise the idea of pregnancy! Hopefully all three of these monstrosities will not afflict me!)

But apparently this rare affliction of common sense I cannot shake is shared by a slightly hostile looking woman:
Corinne Maier almost made me cry with joy when I read her book. I come from a large family of breeders and have been, for years, the "selfish" and "immature" one due to my love of experiencing anything fun rather than maternal in life and utter, utter contempt for the idea of settling down and having children. I am one of the youngest, and one of the only cousins not to have children and get married, I have seen my once intelligent, beautiful cousins morph into unhealthy, bitter, sleep-deprived women

At gatherings, aunties throw the cutest of my cousins sprogs at me smiling like an estate agent desperate to sell a house. I still do not see the appeal, they can probably tell that by my face because I last got accused of being "openly gay" by one aunt due to my total lack of maternal instincts. I am the selfish, immature and - oh now I'm openly gay simply for standing up for my right to remain childless:

I don't want to carry another human being around in my belly whose only escape is by tearing across my most sensitive body part; I don't want to wade through feces and sick because the damn kid won't stop secreting every vile liquid known to mankind; I don't want to shove prams up and down the street while doing shopping for the little savage getting glared at by all the other sleep-deprived mothers itching for a row; I don't want to lose all freedom and choice within life because I'll have a constant parasite stuck to my nipple because motherhood turns you into a human cow!

Corinne Maier discusses most of the reasons why having a child is a terrible idea, some more than others. I have a few other additions, much respect to the author.

I like to look at the world as a scary place, somewhere irrational, mad, continuously proving my point that the truth is stranger than fiction. I love to nose-dive into said world and scare the living Hell out of myself with each experience: how would I do that while worrying about some snivelling brat with a boo-boo - suddenly the dangers of the world are not fun anymore, suddenly they are dangerous to little junior!

Pregnancy, like anything else, is big business. Pregnant celebrities, while probably groaning on the inside (after all, they are being beaten up from the inside!) get paid to flaunt their baby bumps with great big it's-great-to-be-preggers grin. Is it really a coincidence that in the same magazine article they rave on and on about their faveourite stretch-mark cream and tea to soothe the cramps and pains?

Of course, what monster would not ENJOY being pregnant? To keep the baby craze going these celebrity women have to make pregnancy look like a walk in the park. Some....aren't so convincing:
























Well this looks like a barrel of laughs doesn't it?!

Both Christina Aguilera and Myleene Klass (whoever that is) appear as though they are about to cry. Or heave. Or both.

What is worse is the epidemic of wishing to be MILFS (thanks again American Pie) uploading embarrassingly wannabe-esque photos of their bloated pregnant bodies onto facebook or whatever social networking site they use to remind us what a pregnant women looks like. They seem to forget two things: one, the celebrities they sheepishly adore have the luxery of air-brushing for their seething stretch marks and perhaps sedatives (oh yeah, pregnancy induces psychotic behaviour!) secondly....well, look at these photos, they speak for themselves:

Errr....classy! A far cry from Demi Moore, no? Yes, we all know what an up-the-spout woman looks like, thank you very much. Oh it gets worse.


This one got banned from facebook, viewer discretion and finnishing that sandwich are advised:




Seriously....WHY would somebody do this to themself?! No wonder it puts a dampener on your sex life who would want a roll in the hay with that?! (Call me an addict all you want, but this is reason enough to say "a thousand times NO!" to the prospect of having a child)

While I have covered some more personal points as to why I would never have kids, read this article: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-476669/Angels-savages--children.html it is the most enlightening article in regards to remaining childless.

Having said that, I'll stick to short and sweet: Dare to be different: say no to having children!